Henny Youngman Quotes
- I like you—I have no taste—but I like you. - View Quote Details on I like you—I have no taste—but I like you.
- I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up—they have no holidays. - View Quote Details on I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave…
- Look, I’m not going to engage in a battle of wits with you. I never attack anyone who is unarmed. - View Quote Details on Look, I’m not going to engage in a battle of…
- If there’s never been a suicide in your family, why don’t you break the monotony? - View Quote Details on If there’s never been a suicide in your family, why…
- My wife is a light eater. As soon as it’s light, she starts eating. - View Quote Details on My wife is a light eater. As soon as it’s…
- When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. - View Quote Details on When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave…
- The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - View Quote Details on The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- I looked high and low for you. I didn’t look low enough. - View Quote Details on I looked high and low for you. I didn’t look…
- What got you out of the woodwork? - View Quote Details on What got you out of the woodwork?
- My wife is the sweetest, most tolerant, most beautiful woman in the world. This is a paid political announcement. - View Quote Details on My wife is the sweetest, most tolerant, most beautiful woman…
- My wife was at the beauty shop for two hours, and that was only for the estimate. - View Quote Details on My wife was at the beauty shop for two hours,…
- I’d like to introduce you to some friends of mine. I want to break off with them. - View Quote Details on I’d like to introduce you to some friends of mine…
- The more I think of you the less I think of you. - View Quote Details on The more I think of you the less I think…
- A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman “Can I park here?” “No” says the cop. “What about all these other cars?” “They didn’t ask! - View Quote Details on A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks…
- Some people bring happiness wherever they go. You bring happiness whenever you go. - View Quote Details on Some people bring happiness wherever they go. You bring happiness…
- My wife wanted her face lifted. They couldn’t do that. But for $80, they lowered her body. - View Quote Details on My wife wanted her face lifted. They couldn’t do that…
- A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well. - View Quote Details on A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so…
- You’re the kind of person I would like to have over when I have the measles. - View Quote Details on You’re the kind of person I would like to have…
- If there’s ever a price on your head, take it. - View Quote Details on If there’s ever a price on your head, take it.
- You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. - View Quote Details on You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for…
- All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others. - View Quote Details on All men are not homeless, but some men are home…
- I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - View Quote Details on I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her…
About Henny Youngman
Henry “Henny” Youngman (16 March 1906 – 24 February 1998 ) was a comedian and violinist famous for “one-liners “, short simple jokes usually delivered rapid-fire.
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