Joe’s Apartment Quotes

Giving up?! What made roaches outlast the dinosaurs? Because roaches never give up! They can stomp us, they can chomp us, but they’ll never ever stop us! And one day, the Grade-X bomb’s gonna drop, and we’ll have the whole stinkin’ planet to ourselves! - View Quote Details on Giving up?! What made roaches outlast the dinosaurs? Because roaches…
(after Joe fails to impress anyone with his drumming skills) I’m sorry, there’s not gonna be any rock n roll tonight. This is all that’s left! This is all that’s left of the rolling thunder of America’s heartbeat! - View Quote Details on (after Joe fails to impress anyone with his drumming skills)…
I need you to fill in for my drummer this Saturday. He’s dead. - View Quote Details on I need you to fill in for my drummer this…
(finding a cockroach on a half-eaten sandwich) That is the biggest, greasiest bug I’ve ever seen. (The cockroach flies off and Joe shrugs before taking a bite out of the sandwich) - View Quote Details on (finding a cockroach on a half-eaten sandwich) That is the…
(thinking about a letter he wants to write) Dear Mom, I arrived in New York, safe and- (a mugger jumps out from behind a bus, beats up Joe and takes some of his belongings) Dear Mom, I arrived in New York- (another mugger a short distance away does the same thing) Dear Mom- (a third mugger points a gun at Joe’s head) please send money! - View Quote Details on (thinking about a letter he wants to write) Dear Mom,…
A rent-controlled apartment is one where the rent’s been frozen since like the forties. But places like that are hard to find because no one ever leaves them. Unless their landlord’s give them a little help. - View Quote Details on A rent-controlled apartment is one where the rent’s been frozen…
(trying to distract a cat with a comedy act) Anyone hear from Jersey? What exit? Bada-bing! - View Quote Details on (trying to distract a cat with a comedy act) Anyone…
(trying to find the address where he is assigned to collect urinal cakes) East 161st Street and River Avenue? East 161st Street and River Avenue! (he finds it only to realize it’s Yankee Stadium ) - View Quote Details on (trying to find the address where he is assigned to…
Your apartment? I believe we were here first. And we’ll be here last too. We’ve gotta long-time lease on this planet. - View Quote Details on Your apartment? I believe we were here first. And we’ll…