Tom Robbins Quotes
- When we’re incomplete, we’re always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we’re still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on- series polygamy- until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimension to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter. - View Quote Details on When we’re incomplete, we’re always searching for somebody to complete…
- I deserve to be chained by night in a church basement without company o’ cassette player if I’m not man enough to ask you for the teeniest, slightest brush of oral-muscular affaction. - View Quote Details on I deserve to be chained by night in a church…
- Of course I’m inconsistent! Only logicians and cretins are consistent! - View Quote Details on Of course I’m inconsistent! Only logicians and cretins are consistent!
- Zippers are primal and modern at the very same time. On the one hand, your zipper is primitive and reptilian, on the other, mechanical and slick. A zipper is where the Industrial Revolution meets the Cobra Cult. - View Quote Details on Zippers are primal and modern at the very same time…
- Albert Camus wrote that the only serious question is whether to kill yourself or not. Tom Robbins wrote that the only serious question is whether time has a beginning or an end. Camus clearly got up on the wrong side of the bed, and Robbins must have forgotten to set the alarm. There is only one serious question. And that question is: ‘Who knows how to make love stay?’ - View Quote Details on Albert Camus wrote that the only serious question is whether…
- The first time that she spread her legs for him it had been like opening her jaws for the dentist. - View Quote Details on The first time that she spread her legs for him…
- Above the building, the sky recalled passages from Les Miserables, threadbare and gray. - View Quote Details on Above the building, the sky recalled passages from Les Miserables,…
- When a man confines an animal in a cage, he assumes ownership of that animal. But an animal is an individual; it cannot be owned. When a man tries to own an individual, whether that individual be another man, an animal or even a tree, he suffers the psychic consequences of an unnatural act. - View Quote Details on When a man confines an animal in a cage, he…
- My lunar sign is in Virgo. Every month when the moon is full, I’m driven to balance my checkbook and straighten up my apartment. I can’t help myself. Instead of a werewolf I turn into an accountant. - View Quote Details on My lunar sign is in Virgo. Every month when the…
- I journey to the east, where I have been told, there are men who have taught death some manners. - View Quote Details on I journey to the east, where I have been told,…
- Society had a crime problem. It hired cops to attack crime. Now society has a cop problem. - View Quote Details on Society had a crime problem. It hired cops to attack…
- There’s birth, there’s death, and in between there’s maintenance. - View Quote Details on There’s birth, there’s death, and in between there’s maintenance.
- If you believe in peace, act peacefully; if you believe in love, acting lovingly; if you believe every which way, then act every which way, that’s perfectly valid— but don’t go out trying to sell your beliefs to the system. You end up contradicting what you profess to believe in, and you set a bum example. If you want to change the world, change yourself. - View Quote Details on If you believe in peace, act peacefully; if you believe…
- The more advertising I see, the less I want to buy - View Quote Details on The more advertising I see, the less I want to…
- Her surname resembled a line from an optometrist’s examination chart. - View Quote Details on Her surname resembled a line from an optometrist’s examination chart.
- A sense of humor, properly developed, is superior to any religion so far devised. - View Quote Details on A sense of humor, properly developed, is superior to any…
- All Uncle Larry is saying is that individuals have to accept responsibility for their own bad choices. If every time we choose a turd, society, at great expense, simply allows us to redeem it for a pepperoni, then not only will we never learn to make smart choices, we will also surrender the freedom to choose, because a choice without consequences is no choice at all. Maybe it boils down to the premium we want to place on liberty. - View Quote Details on All Uncle Larry is saying is that individuals have to…
- …the natural process of aging, which according to Dr. Wiggs Dannyboy, is so unnaturally cruel that only man could have ordained it - neither nature nor God would stoop so low. - View Quote Details on …the natural process of aging, which according to Dr. Wiggs…
- For most people, self-awarness and self-pity blossom simultaneously in early adolescence. Its about that time that we start viewing the world as something other than a whoop-de-doo playground, we start to experience personally how threatening it can be, how cruel and unjust. At the very moment when we become, for the first time, both introspective and socially conscientious, we receive the bad news that the world, by and large, doesn’t give a rat’s ass - View Quote Details on For most people, self-awarness and self-pity blossom simultaneously in early…
- There are two kinds of people in this world : those who believe there are two kinds of people in this world and those who are smart enough to know better. - View Quote Details on There are two kinds of people in this world : those…
- Something has got to hold it together. I’m saying my prayers to Elmer, the Greek god of glue. - View Quote Details on Something has got to hold it together. I’m saying my…
- There are essential and inessential insanities. The latter are solar in character, the former are linked to the moon. Inessential insanities are a brittle amalgamation of ambition, aggression, and pre-adolescent anxiety - garbage that should have been dumped long ago. Essential insanities are those impulses one instinctively senses are virtuous and correct, even though peers may regard them as coo-coo. Inessential insanities get one in trouble with one’s self. Essential insanities get one in trouble with others. In fact, it may be essential. Poetry, the best of it, is lunar and is concerned with the essential insanities. Journalism is solar… and is devoted to the inessential. - View Quote Details on There are essential and inessential insanities. The latter are solar…
- …that she was the one who’d made friends with the Snake, that she’d let it lick the blood of her first menstruation, that she… ooo eee, that she… ooo eee, that she… ooo, eee, that she now knew what the Serpent knew. - View Quote Details on …that she was the one who’d made friends with the…
- She needed help, but God was in a meeting whenever she rang. - View Quote Details on She needed help, but God was in a meeting whenever…
- This baby (the Remington SL3 typewriter) speaks electric Shakespeare at the slightest provocation and will rap out a page and a half if you just look at it hard. - View Quote Details on This baby (the Remington SL3 typewriter) speaks electric Shakespeare at…
- I’m looking for the novelists whose writing is an extension of their intellect rather than an extension of their neurosis. - View Quote Details on I’m looking for the novelists whose writing is an extension…
- I sense that novel of my dreams is in the Remington SL3 - although it writes much faster than I can spell. - View Quote Details on I sense that novel of my dreams is in the…
- Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature. - View Quote Details on Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it…
- All animals copulate but only humans osculate. Parakeets rub beaks? Sure they do, but only little old ladies who murder schoolchildren with knitting needles to steal their lunch money so that they can buy fresh kidneys to feed overweight kitty cats would place bird billing in the realm of the true kiss. - View Quote Details on All animals copulate but only humans osculate. Parakeets rub beaks?…
- Of the seven deadly sins, lust is definitely the pick of the litter. - View Quote Details on Of the seven deadly sins, lust is definitely the pick…
- Water! Of all liquids on Earth, the only one chosen for scrubbin’ and flushin’. The liquid they rinse baby’s nappies in, the fluid that floods the gutters o’ this cloud-squeezer town; a single drop o’ water discolors a glass of Irish, and you, false friend, are wantin’ me to pour this abrasive substance into me defenseless body! - View Quote Details on Water! Of all liquids on Earth, the only one chosen…
- Suppose the neutral angels were able to talk to Yahweh and Lucifer- God and Satan, to use their popular titles- into settling out of court. What would be the terms of the compromise? Specifically, how would they divide the assets of their earthly kingdom? Would God be satisfied to take loaves and fishes and itty-bitty thimbles of Communion wine, while allowing Satan to have the redeye Gravy, eighteen ounce New York steak, and buckets of chilled champagne? Would God really accept twice-a-month lovemaking for procreative purposes and give Satan the all-night, no-holds-barred, nasty “can’t-get-enough-of-you” hot-as-hell fucks? - View Quote Details on Suppose the neutral angels were able to talk to Yahweh…
- Well, there’s one thing to be said for money. It can make you rich. - View Quote Details on Well, there’s one thing to be said for money. It…
- It’s a smile a girl could bring home to mother, if she had a mother; a smile a girl could pet like a pony, sip like a lemonade, hum like a popular tune; a smile a girl would feel safe with in a dark alley. - View Quote Details on It’s a smile a girl could bring home to mother,…
- He looked at her with that kind of painted-on seriousness that comedians shift into when they get their chance to play Hamlet. - View Quote Details on He looked at her with that kind of painted-on seriousness…
- A better world has gotta start somewhere. Why not with you and me? - View Quote Details on A better world has gotta start somewhere. Why not with…
- In this room, the salamander was squashed between the pages of the rhyming dictionary, thereby changing poetry forever. Here, Salome walked around with a big red fish held high up over her head. Old Father spanked her with a ballet slipper, sending her to bed without milk or honey. Dance was changed in this room, too. - View Quote Details on In this room, the salamander was squashed between the pages…
- Teachers who offer you the ultimate answers do not possess the ultimate answers, for if they did, they would know that the ultimate answers cannot be given, they can only be received. - View Quote Details on Teachers who offer you the ultimate answers do not possess…
- And what would our ideas of God, of religion, be like if they had come to us through the minds of women? Ever think of that? - View Quote Details on And what would our ideas of God, of religion, be…
- So this, then, is the chamber of the hootchy-kootch. Its bathtub full of orchids. Its closet full of smoke. - View Quote Details on So this, then, is the chamber of the hootchy-kootch. Its…
- It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. - View Quote Details on It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.
- Most snoring is composed by Beethoven or Wagner, although a few times Wiggs had heard heavy metal rock performed on the somnambulate bassoon. - View Quote Details on Most snoring is composed by Beethoven or Wagner, although a…
- Are you aware that rushing toward a goal is a sublimated death wish? It’s no coincidence we call them ‘deadlines’. - View Quote Details on Are you aware that rushing toward a goal is a…
- To achieve the impossible, it is precisely the unthinkable that must be thought. - View Quote Details on To achieve the impossible, it is precisely the unthinkable that…
- There’s no such thing as security in this life, sweetheart; and the sooner you accept that fact, the better off you’ll be. The person who strives for security will never be free. The person who believes that she’s found security will never reach paradise. What she mistakes for security is purgatory. You know what purgatory is, Gwendolyn? It’s the waiting room, it’s the lobby. Not only does she have the wrong libretto, she’s stuck in the lobby where she can’t see the show. - View Quote Details on There’s no such thing as security in this life, sweetheart;…
- People of zee wurl, Relax! - View Quote Details on People of zee wurl, Relax!
- Nostalgia’s nice enough in little bitty doses, it puts personal peach fuzz on the hard ass of history. - View Quote Details on Nostalgia’s nice enough in little bitty doses, it puts personal…
- A rabbi’s dog could score pork chops in the streets of Tel Aviv easier than Bernard could acquire tequila in King County Jail. - View Quote Details on A rabbi’s dog could score pork chops in the streets…
- Your friend insults the homeless by giving them no credit for having made the decisions that shaped their lives, and demeans them further by declaring them powerless to alter their situations. There’re many ways, my dear, to victimize people. The most insidious way is to persuade them that they’re victims. - View Quote Details on Your friend insults the homeless by giving them no credit…
- The only meat in the world sweeter, hotter, and pinker than Amanda’s twat is Carolina barbecue. - View Quote Details on The only meat in the world sweeter, hotter, and pinker…
- So you think that you’re a failure, do you? Well, you probably are. What’s wrong with that? In the first place, if you’ve any sense at all you must have learned by now that we pay just as dearly for our triumphs as we do for our defeats. Go ahead and fail. But fail with wit, fail with grace, fail with style. A mediocre failure is as insufferable as a mediocre success. - View Quote Details on So you think that you’re a failure, do you? Well,…
- Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won’t adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as its accomplice. Instead of vowing to honor and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet. That would mean that security is out of the question. The words “make” and “stay” become inappropriate. My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free. - View Quote Details on Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won’t adhere to…
- I’m acquainted with a, uh, gentleman who claims that the extent to which a society focuses on the needs of its lowest common denominator is the extent to which that society’ll be mired in mediocrity. Whereas, if we would aim the bulk of our support at the brightest, most talented, most virtuous instead, then they would have the wherewithal to solve a lot of our problems, to uplift the whole culture, enlighten it or something, so that eventually there wouldn’t be so many losers and weaklings impeding evolution and dragging the whole species down. He claims that martyrs like you just perpetuate human misery by catering to it. He believes individuals have to take responsibility for their own lives and accept the consequences of their choices. - View Quote Details on I’m acquainted with a, uh, gentleman who claims that the…
- There is a similarity between juggling and composing on the typewriter. The trick is, when you spill something, make it look like a part of the act. - View Quote Details on There is a similarity between juggling and composing on the…
- She tried out the chamber pot, although she really had nothing to contribute. - View Quote Details on She tried out the chamber pot, although she really had…
- She lunched on papaya poo poo or mango mu mu or some other fruity foo foo bursting with overripe tropican vowels. - View Quote Details on She lunched on papaya poo poo or mango mu mu…
- “I’ll follow him to the ends of the earth,” she sobbed. Yes, darling. But the earth doesn’t have any ends. Columbus fixed that. - View Quote Details on “I’ll follow him to the ends of the earth,” she…
- There are essential and inessential insanities. The latter are solar in character, the former are linked to the moon. - View Quote Details on There are essential and inessential insanities. The latter are solar…
About Tom Robbins
Tom Robbins (born 1936-07-22 in Blowing Rock, North Carolina) is an American novelist. His novels are complex, often wild stories with strong social undercurrents and obscure but well-researched details.
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