A baby is shown sitting on the floor. He appears…

A baby is shown sitting on the floor. He appears to be about a year and a half old. Incidentally, he is a very plain baby. Strewn about him on the floor are the toys that he has been playing with. There are a ball, a rattle, a ring, a doll, a bell and a pair of roller-skates. Evidently, the candidate is supposed to be aghast at the roller-skates in the possession of such a small child.
The man who drew that picture had evidently never furnished playthings for a small child. I can imagine nothing that would delight a child of a year and a half more than a pair of roller-skates to chew and spin and hit himself in the face with. They could also be dropped on Daddy when Daddy was lying on the floor in an attempt to be sociable. Of all the toys arranged before the child, the roller-skates are the most logical…. That is my great trouble in taking tests and examinations of any kind. I always want to argue with the examiner, because the examiner is always so obviously wrong.

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“Measure Your Mind”, in Love Conquers All (1922)

Other Robert Benchley Quotes

Streets flooded. Please advise. (telegram to his editor upon arrival in Venice ) - View Quote Details on Streets flooded. Please advise. (telegram to his editor upon arrival…
The English language may hold a more disagreeable combination of words than “The doctor will see you now.” I am willing to concede something to the phrase “Have you anything to say before the current is turned on?” That may be worse for the moment, but it doesn’t last so long. For continued, unmitigating depression, I know nothing to equal “The doctor will see you now.” But I’m not narrow-minded about it. I’m willing to consider other possibilities. - View Quote Details on The English language may hold a more disagreeable combination of…
Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author’s soul. If that upheaval is not present then it must come from the works of any other author which happens to be handy and easily adapted. - View Quote Details on Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author’s…
Anyone will be glad to admit that he knows nothing about beagling, or the Chinese stock market, or ballistics, but there is not a man or woman alive who does not claim to know how to cure hiccoughs. - View Quote Details on Anyone will be glad to admit that he knows nothing…
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. - View Quote Details on Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I…
I can’t quite define my aversion to asking questions of strangers. From snatches of family battles which I have heard drifting up from railway stations and street corners, I gather that there are a great many men who share my dislike for it, as well as an equal number of women who… believe it to be the solution to most of this world’s problems. - View Quote Details on I can’t quite define my aversion to asking questions of…
The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps. - View Quote Details on The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per…
The only cure for a real hangover is death. - View Quote Details on The only cure for a real hangover is death.
Nine-tenths of the value of a sense of humor in writing is not in the things it makes one write but in the things it keeps one from writing. It is especially valuable in this respect in serious writing, and no one without a sense of humor should ever write seriously. For without knowing what is funny, one is constantly in danger of being funny without knowing it. - View Quote Details on Nine-tenths of the value of a sense of humor in…
A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated. - View Quote Details on A great many people have come up to me and…