According to a certain Brisbane rag, England are “a bunch…

According to a certain Brisbane rag, England are “a bunch of part-time plumbers and decorators”…Jason Robinson and Co are just putting a second coat on their Free State Stadium dressing room in Bloemfontein, but I’m assured they’ll be cleaned up and ready to kick off in 25 minutes.

Rugby Commentary, Unsourced

Other Ben Dirs Quotes

“Apparently Hoggard’s injury is a “strained adductor muscle”, news which prompts Messers Botham, Gower and Holding to all stroke their inner thighs on Sky as an indication as to where the injury is. You don’t need to see that on a Saturday afternoon I must say, especially with Gower boasting that landed-gentry-style smirk as he gazes adoringly at Beefy. This isn’t late night Bravo fellas, calm it down. I’m off for a quick polish in the gents. - View Quote Details on “Apparently Hoggard’s injury is a “strained adductor muscle”, news which…
It was Lara diving over the ball, hitting the deck like a BBC sports commentator who has just realised how futile his existence is. - View Quote Details on It was Lara diving over the ball, hitting the deck…
Oof! McCullum kerplunks a fuller Sidebottom delivery for what looks a certain four until it smashes into Gillespie’s, erm, mummy-daddy button at the non-striker’s end and he is denied a run. That had to hurt. Gillespie turns down the opportunity to have it treated by the Kiwi physio - perhaps he’s not his type. - View Quote Details on Oof! McCullum kerplunks a fuller Sidebottom delivery for what looks…
Franklin looks a little horny, like someone who’s just met up with his best mate the morning after kissing his sister. - View Quote Details on Franklin looks a little horny, like someone who’s just met…
Watts latches on to an Ntini short ball and swinging him over the mid-wicket boundary. That was like a large cayman devouring a rancid routabaga. That was one of the worst analogies I’ve ever written. Wonderful. - View Quote Details on Watts latches on to an Ntini short ball and swinging…
I’m still doing my best Forrest Gump impression. - View Quote Details on I’m still doing my best Forrest Gump impression.
Colly doing a good, no-frills, manful job for England here, just one from the over. He is to cricket what Jim Taggart is to me. - View Quote Details on Colly doing a good, no-frills, manful job for England here,…
I’ve got a horrible feeling that if United do do the business tonight, Scholes won’t be on the pitch in Athens. He may well be the best player England have produced for the last 15 years, but he has all the tackling ability of a granny on roller skates. - View Quote Details on I’ve got a horrible feeling that if United do do…
Mahmood finishes with 4-50 - ‘Smell my cheese, you mothers’ I think I heard him mutter to his critics as he strode from the pitch. - View Quote Details on Mahmood finishes with 4-50 - ‘Smell my cheese, you mothers’…
A well-deserved standing ovation from the Lord’s faithful and what can you say about any Collingwood innings? Nuggety, earthy, gritty. All hail Ross Kemp - give that man his own cop show on ITV. - View Quote Details on A well-deserved standing ovation from the Lord’s faithful and what…