Black Mage: You don’t happen to work at the UPS,…

Black Mage: You don’t happen to work at the UPS, do you?
White Mage: Uh… no.
Black Mage: ‘Cause I coulda swore I saw you checkin’ out my package!

Conversations, Episodes 1-100

Other 8-Bit Theater Quotes

Isn’t it ironic to yell the word silence? - View Quote Details on Isn’t it ironic to yell the word silence?
Red Mage: (Talking about Thief) I’m glad he’s on our side.
Black Mage: But if you think about it… is he?
Fighter: I prefer not to think about it. - View Quote Details on Red Mage: (Talking about Thief) I’m glad he’s on our…
White Mage: It’s a good thing I know my share of healing spells. Not to mention morals!
Black Mage: Hey! I know of them. - View Quote Details on White Mage: It’s a good thing I know my share…
I bet in heaven, they let you eat cookies for breakfast every day! - View Quote Details on I bet in heaven, they let you eat cookies for…
Black Mage: Wow. Red Mage has a lot of blood…
Red Mage: Their claws are raking through my flesh like a +2/+2 Sword of Wounding! Arrrrrgh!
Black Mage: But not as much blood as he had about five minutes ago, of course. - View Quote Details on Black Mage: Wow. Red Mage has a lot of blood…
Red…
(Regarding her lack of minions) How can this be? I have a host, a legion of foul beasts summoned from the ashes of a thousand evil fires burning from a thousand evil trees stolen from the evil forest of Bunny Town! - View Quote Details on (Regarding her lack of minions) How can this be? I…
Fighter:
Black Mage: What?
Fighter: I SAID I THINK THERE’S SOMETHING STRANGE ABOUT THESE SAILORS.
Black Mage: Oh, hello there, Mr. Concussion. How are you today?
Thief: WHAT’S HE MUMBLING ABOUT?
Fighter: DUNNO.
Black Mage: Please speak quietly.
Fighter: I THINK HE’S HUNG OVER.
Black Mage: No, my brain is hemorrhaging very important fluids.
Thief: Y’KNOW, WHILE YOU’VE BEEN SITTING HERE, WE’VE BEEN HARD AT WORK FIGURING OUT THESE SAILORS.
Black Mage: They’re not sailors, they’re Dark Warriors.
Fighter: WE THINK THEY MIGHT BE PIRATES.
Black Mage: Hate you. - View Quote Details on Fighter:
Black Mage: What?
Fighter: I SAID I THINK THERE’S SOMETHING STRANGE…
…So you see, by allowing me to kill you three, I’ll be able to at least die with some dignity… and a smile. - View Quote Details on …So you see, by allowing me to kill you three,…
I have to make sure no one thinks I’m slacking on this evil gig. I’m a Fiend of Fire. Killing people with combustion is going to happen. - View Quote Details on I have to make sure no one thinks I’m slacking…
Thief: I’ll have you know “Drizz’L” roughly translates to “The Relentless Scourge”.
Black Mage: Yeah, like the relentless scourge of having a really stupid name. - View Quote Details on Thief: I’ll have you know “Drizz’L” roughly translates to “The…