Black Mage:You don’t know the kinds of persecution my people…

Black Mage:You don’t know the kinds of persecution my people have had to endure for centuries! And all because of the color of our spells!
White Mage: Well maybe if your spells didn’t have purely evil purposes, you wouldn’t of had that problem!
Black Mage: Are you saying that Black Magic and it’s practitioners are inherently evil?
White Mage: Name one positive, non-destructive use for your magic.
Black Mage: Ha! That’s easy. Give me a scenario.
White Mage: OK. An orphanage is on fire. What do you…
Black Mage: Use Fire-3 to torch the building and then pick off any survivors with Bolt-2 set to a wide dispersal.
White Mage: You are a horrible monster.
Black Mage: Stupid kids would never see it comin’ either. Suckers!

Conversations, Episodes 1-100

Other 8-Bit Theater Quotes

Black Mage: What we really need is some sort of quest to keep us together.
Red Mage: I thought you hated us and would relish the opportunity to rid us from your life.
Black Mage: Oh, sure, that was the old Black Mage. The new back from Hell with infinite power, oh wait, just kidding, you’re mortal again Black Mage won’t rest until you’ve each suffered in ways they have not yet had need to invent words to describe. - View Quote Details on Black Mage: What we really need is some sort of…
Black Mage: You pushed Red Mage… onto Fighter’s sword.
Fighter: Which is weird ’cause it started out sheathed.
Red Mage: I botched my athletics role… big time. - View Quote Details on Black Mage: You pushed Red Mage… onto Fighter’s sword.
Fighter: Which…
Oh, I’m sure you’re thinking of some other god. The one I met gave me this healing shiv. - View Quote Details on Oh, I’m sure you’re thinking of some other god. The…
Great Moradin’s beard! I don’t mean to alarm you, sir, but there seems to be an axe lodged in your head, elf. - View Quote Details on Great Moradin’s beard! I don’t mean to alarm you, sir,…
No, Dad. I’m afraid that the curse you’re thinking of has a much more literal and much less metaphorical history attached to it. - View Quote Details on No, Dad. I’m afraid that the curse you’re thinking of…
Moron. I never owned an invisible sky castle. Just that regularly visible one over there. - View Quote Details on Moron. I never owned an invisible sky castle. Just that…
Vargus: Fighter, you are easily my most accomplished student.
Young Fighter: Yeah, I’m pretty awesome.
Vargus: There is but one more lesson for you here at Fighter’s Camp ‘86.
Young Fighter: Shoot.
Vargus: How many schools of zodiac kenshido are there?
Young Fighter: What, that’s it? You told us that on our first day at orientation. There’s twelve schools.
Vargus: How many, Fighter?
Young Fighter: Twelve, one school for each sign of the Zodiac. Given enough time and some hints, and I could even name them for ya.
Vargus: You have learned nothing. Go.
Young Fighter: But… I’ve got nowhere else to go!
Vargus: There is nothing for you here. Go. - View Quote Details on Vargus: Fighter, you are easily my most accomplished student.
Young Fighter:…
Did you know that neither Mr Pibb nor Dr Pepper use the little dot thingie for their abbreviations? - View Quote Details on Did you know that neither Mr Pibb nor Dr Pepper…
I trust Black Mage ’cause he told me to. - View Quote Details on I trust Black Mage ’cause he told me to.
I have the sneaking suspicion that I don’t mind making dinner after all and will therefore abstain from meddling with the fabric of existence any further. - View Quote Details on I have the sneaking suspicion that I don’t mind making…