Embarrassing cricket tales. When I was about 14, my school…

Embarrassing cricket tales. When I was about 14, my school team played against a school called Langdon, somewhere or other in the wilds of East London. They batted first and racked up 180-3 off 20 overs. We got 13. My PE teacher called it the most humiliating day of his life. Years later, he got done for sex offences. I wonder what he thinks now.

Cricket Commentary, Sourced

Other Ben Dirs Quotes

Playing Federer on a bad day is a bit like seeing Pete Doherty in concert on a good day. You want to make the most of it because it may never happen again. - View Quote Details on Playing Federer on a bad day is a bit like…
Maguire, I’m told, has a raft of nicknames. Originally, I thought my favourite was ‘On Fire Maguire’, but then I thought, if he’s playing rubbish, it doesn’t really work. So now I like ‘Live Wire Maguire’ instead. - View Quote Details on Maguire, I’m told, has a raft of nicknames. Originally, I…
I like Monty, I’d like to sit with my arm round myself on the sofa all night watching documentaries on BBC Four. - View Quote Details on I like Monty, I’d like to sit with my arm…
The Scot looks like he’s sat in a hospital waiting room reading my commentary. - View Quote Details on The Scot looks like he’s sat in a hospital waiting…
Here’s the siren (hope there’s no Blitz veterans in, they’ll be ducking for cover) - View Quote Details on Here’s the siren (hope there’s no Blitz veterans in, they’ll…
Montgomery collects a Garryowen and Hazell, like a Smeg fridge-freezer on legs, clatters into him and drives him backwards. - View Quote Details on Montgomery collects a Garryowen and Hazell, like a Smeg fridge-freezer…
Mahmood finishes with 4-50 - ‘Smell my cheese, you mothers’ I think I heard him mutter to his critics as he strode from the pitch. - View Quote Details on Mahmood finishes with 4-50 - ‘Smell my cheese, you mothers’…
Oof! McCullum kerplunks a fuller Sidebottom delivery for what looks a certain four until it smashes into Gillespie’s, erm, mummy-daddy button at the non-striker’s end and he is denied a run. That had to hurt. Gillespie turns down the opportunity to have it treated by the Kiwi physio - perhaps he’s not his type. - View Quote Details on Oof! McCullum kerplunks a fuller Sidebottom delivery for what looks…
Thinking about sexy times in my life, an internal flight in a storm in Nam (Viet, not Dagen) must be up there, but I also recall going to an Erasure concert in about 1990. That was astonishing. - View Quote Details on Thinking about sexy times in my life, an internal flight…
I’m still doing my best Forrest Gump impression. - View Quote Details on I’m still doing my best Forrest Gump impression.