Fighter: (after Black Mage supposedly stabs him 45 times, making…

Fighter: (after Black Mage supposedly stabs him 45 times, making a big, red mess) Wow! Black Mage managed to burst every ketchup packet I was holding for RM’s prematurely aborted Dragon bait plan!
Red Mage: My precious Dragon bait! That stuff’s hard to find unless you go to a restaurant! Jerk.
Black Mage: If I had the strength, I would cry.

Conversations, Episodes 201-300

Other 8-Bit Theater Quotes

Black Mage: (Regarding Ranger) I don’t get it. What’s that jerk got that I ain’t?
White Mage: You mean besides a grasp of grammar?
Black Mage: Me talk good!
White Mage: Well, let’s see…He knows the difference between right and wrong. Morals. A complete understanding of the theories and practical applications of personal hygiene. Friends. A face. The respect of his peers.
Black Mage: Hey! I have friends. (Pause) I have a friend.
White Mage: What you have is a highly dysfunctional relationship based exclusively on abuse.
Black Mage: Right, a friend.
White Mage: See, that, that right there. That’s what’s wrong with you. (Leaves)
Black Mage: (Pause) Dammit, Fighter. White Mage doesn’t like me because you’re a rotten friend.
Fighter: I’m horrible! - View Quote Details on Black Mage: (Regarding Ranger) I don’t get it. What’s that…
You don’t really practice bleeding to death from six dozen stab wounds. It’s just gonna happen. - View Quote Details on You don’t really practice bleeding to death from six dozen…
(on Vilbert) Well, he stopped reciting awful poetry, so you either pierced his gothicular membrane or his heart. - View Quote Details on (on Vilbert) Well, he stopped reciting awful poetry, so you…
Black Mage: I was wondering, and this may sound strange but just bear with me, are you from Venus ?
White Mage: Er… no, why?
Black Mage: ‘Cause, baby, yer ass is outta dis world! - View Quote Details on Black Mage: I was wondering, and this may sound strange…
Great Moradin’s beard! I don’t mean to alarm you, sir, but there seems to be an axe lodged in your head, elf. - View Quote Details on Great Moradin’s beard! I don’t mean to alarm you, sir,…
I have to make sure no one thinks I’m slacking on this evil gig. I’m a Fiend of Fire. Killing people with combustion is going to happen. - View Quote Details on I have to make sure no one thinks I’m slacking…
Also, I can block any attack and kill anything that bleeds. Hint. - View Quote Details on Also, I can block any attack and kill anything that…
Yes, soon the planets shall be in alignment with the ley lines of evil and I will usher in a new era of painful… erm, suffering and uh… discomfort in general. - View Quote Details on Yes, soon the planets shall be in alignment with the…
(to Garland) What part of this whole villain thing do you not understand?! - View Quote Details on (to Garland) What part of this whole villain thing do…
(in written a note) To whomsoever may miss that family of campers: At least they will always live in your memory. P.S. But since everyone knows that’s not really living, it may be more accurate to say they are very, and forever, dead. - View Quote Details on (in written a note) To whomsoever may miss that family…