I AM THE BLACK MAGE! I CASTS THE SPELLS THAT…

I AM THE BLACK MAGE! I CASTS THE SPELLS THAT MAKES THE PEOPLES FALL DOWN!

Light Warriors, Black Mage Evilwizardington

Other 8-Bit Theater Quotes

It’s not you, baby. It’s your knockers. I know those robes are supposed to emphasize your chaste modesty, but dyamn, girl. - View Quote Details on It’s not you, baby. It’s your knockers. I know those…
I like swords, it’s a fact. I like cheese, it’s a fact. I like swords made out of cheese, it’s a mystery. - View Quote Details on I like swords, it’s a fact. I like cheese, it’s…
Fighter: (After being pummelled by a giant) Kill me.
Black Mage: Tempting, but I need you for a human shield… I mean, travelling companion. Yeah. - View Quote Details on Fighter: (After being pummelled by a giant) Kill me.
Black Mage:…
Black Mage: I see you guys have been recruiting nine other gentlemen into our midst. I wouldn’t mind their dancing or their prancing, but it’s making me very dizzy.
Red Mage: Uh, are you okay?
Black Mage: Oh yes. Peachy, I’d say. Someone should really answer that phone though. The incessant ringing is like some sort of… loud ringing that won’t, you know, go away.
Red Mage: I don’t hear any…
(Black Mage passes out.)
Red Mage: Oh, he’s dead.
Thief: No, just passed out.
(Red Mage unsheathes his sword.)
Red Mage: I am never wrong. - View Quote Details on Black Mage: I see you guys have been recruiting nine…
Black Mage: I was wondering, and this may sound strange but just bear with me, are you from Venus ?
White Mage: Er… no, why?
Black Mage: ‘Cause, baby, yer ass is outta dis world! - View Quote Details on Black Mage: I was wondering, and this may sound strange…
…So you see, by allowing me to kill you three, I’ll be able to at least die with some dignity… and a smile. - View Quote Details on …So you see, by allowing me to kill you three,…
Black Mage: (Regarding Ranger) I don’t get it. What’s that jerk got that I ain’t?
White Mage: You mean besides a grasp of grammar?
Black Mage: Me talk good!
White Mage: Well, let’s see…He knows the difference between right and wrong. Morals. A complete understanding of the theories and practical applications of personal hygiene. Friends. A face. The respect of his peers.
Black Mage: Hey! I have friends. (Pause) I have a friend.
White Mage: What you have is a highly dysfunctional relationship based exclusively on abuse.
Black Mage: Right, a friend.
White Mage: See, that, that right there. That’s what’s wrong with you. (Leaves)
Black Mage: (Pause) Dammit, Fighter. White Mage doesn’t like me because you’re a rotten friend.
Fighter: I’m horrible! - View Quote Details on Black Mage: (Regarding Ranger) I don’t get it. What’s that…
I have the sneaking suspicion that I don’t mind making dinner after all and will therefore abstain from meddling with the fabric of existence any further. - View Quote Details on I have the sneaking suspicion that I don’t mind making…
Black Mage: Well, it’s about a thousand degrees below zero, we have no shelter, food, supplies of any kind, nor combustible materials that aren’t our flesh. I propose we cut open someone’s gut so the rest of us can sleep nestled within his warm entrails. The obvious choice for this sacrifice is Fighter because he is filled with meats.
Fighter: It’s true!
Red Mage: Wait, I have an idea! I have Ice spells! We’re saved!
Black Mage: Ice spells. Okay, Red Mage just volunteered.
Fighter: Aww… - View Quote Details on Black Mage: Well, it’s about a thousand degrees below zero,…
DAMN YOU, FOREST IMPS! YOU’VE BEEN A THORN IN MY SIDE FOR TOO LONG! You will pay. Oh yes, you will pay. - View Quote Details on DAMN YOU, FOREST IMPS! YOU’VE BEEN A THORN IN MY…