I had a nightmare about the World Cup last night…

I had a nightmare about the World Cup last night. I dreamt I was in the Caribbean and just before the Australia v South Africa match, I saw a load of Aussie players grab South Africa all-rounder Shaun Pollock, do unspeakable things to him and throw his body onto some weird conveyor belt thing. And as he disappeared down the belt, his head fell off into a box.

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Other Ben Dirs Quotes

Umpire Billy Bowden is decked by a Jones sweep! How marvellous…I mean what a choker…A sweetly-timed shot by the England batsman, which strikes Bowden on the hip, sending sunnies and walkie-talkie flying. Shame for Jones, that was going for four. Bowden will have secretly loved that, the old drama tart. - View Quote Details on Umpire Billy Bowden is decked by a Jones sweep! How…
Oof! McCullum kerplunks a fuller Sidebottom delivery for what looks a certain four until it smashes into Gillespie’s, erm, mummy-daddy button at the non-striker’s end and he is denied a run. That had to hurt. Gillespie turns down the opportunity to have it treated by the Kiwi physio - perhaps he’s not his type. - View Quote Details on Oof! McCullum kerplunks a fuller Sidebottom delivery for what looks…
Montgomery collects a Garryowen and Hazell, like a Smeg fridge-freezer on legs, clatters into him and drives him backwards. - View Quote Details on Montgomery collects a Garryowen and Hazell, like a Smeg fridge-freezer…
This is like De la Hoya-Mayweather, except in evening dress and with sticks. - View Quote Details on This is like De la Hoya-Mayweather, except in evening dress…
Having seen the replay, I think Steve Bucknor was right. I like Bucknor, in fact, he might be my only friend. - View Quote Details on Having seen the replay, I think Steve Bucknor was right…
Watts latches on to an Ntini short ball and swinging him over the mid-wicket boundary. That was like a large cayman devouring a rancid routabaga. That was one of the worst analogies I’ve ever written. Wonderful. - View Quote Details on Watts latches on to an Ntini short ball and swinging…
According to a certain Brisbane rag, England are “a bunch of part-time plumbers and decorators”…Jason Robinson and Co are just putting a second coat on their Free State Stadium dressing room in Bloemfontein, but I’m assured they’ll be cleaned up and ready to kick off in 25 minutes. - View Quote Details on According to a certain Brisbane rag, England are “a bunch…
Vaughan is lurking in the dressing room gloom like some mad woman spying into her next door neighbours’ garden. - View Quote Details on Vaughan is lurking in the dressing room gloom like some…
All the time in the world for Hook, he could have pulled out a cigarette, lit it and taken a couple of tugs before striking that. - View Quote Details on All the time in the world for Hook, he could…
Not much of a birthday that, almost as bad as my 15th when I got a pair of plastic telephones off the Roman Road market from some cousins who thought I was still six. - Ben Dirs describes birthday boy Andy Murray’s retirement from the Hamburg Open with a hint of nostalgic heartbreak. - View Quote Details on Not much of a birthday that, almost as bad as…