“I seem to be having this tremendous difficulty with my…

“I seem to be having this tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle. As soon as I reach some kind of definite policy about what is my kind of music and my kind of restaurant and my kind of overdraft, people start blowing up my kind of planet and throwing me out of their kind of spaceships!” - The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Radio Shows, Fit the Fourth

Radio series

Other The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Quotes

The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move. - View Quote Details on The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This…
And the wheel,” said the Captain, “What about this wheel thingy? It sounds a terribly interesting project.”
“Ah,” said the marketing girl, “Well, we’re having a little difficulty there.”
“Difficulty?” exclaimed Ford. “Difficulty? What do you mean, difficulty? It’s the single simplest machine in the entire Universe!”
The marketing girl soured him with a look.
“Alright, Mr Wiseguy,” she said, “you’re so clever, you tell us what colour it should be. - View Quote Details on And the wheel,” said the Captain, “What about this wheel…
“Er…” he said, “hello. Er, look, I’m sorry I’m a bit late. I’ve had the most ghastly time, all sorts of things cropping up at the last moment.”
He seemed nervous of the expectant awed hush. He cleared his throat.
“Er, how are we for time?” he said, “have I just got a min—”
And so the Universe ended. - View Quote Details on “Er…” he said, “hello. Er, look, I’m sorry I’m a…
Ford: “It’s unpleasantly like being drunk.”
Arthur: “What’s so unpleasant about being drunk?”
Ford: “You ask a glass of water.” - View Quote Details on Arthur: "What's so unpleasant...">Ford: “It’s unpleasantly like being drunk.”
Arthur: “What’s so unpleasant…
The sign said:
Hold stick near centre of its length. Moisten pointed end in mouth. Insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion.
‘It seemed to me,’ said Wonko the Sane, ‘that any civilization that had so far lost its head as to need to include a set of detailed instructions for use in a packet of toothpicks, was no longer a civilization in which I could live and stay sane.’ - c. 31; Wonko the Sane telling Arthur and Fenchurch about the Asylum - View Quote Details on The sign said:
Hold stick near centre of its length. Moisten…
Beeblebrox, over here!” he shouted.
“No,” called Zaphod, “Beeblebrox over here! Who are you?”
“A friend!” shouted back the man. He ran towards Zaphod.
“Oh yeah?” said Zaphod. “Anyone’s friend in particular, or just generally well disposed to people? - View Quote Details on "No," called Zaphod, "Beeblebrox over here!...">Beeblebrox, over here!” he shouted.
“No,” called Zaphod, “Beeblebrox over here!…
“This Arthur Dent,” comes the cry from the farthest reaches of the galaxy, and has even now been found inscribed on a deep space probe thought to originate from an alien galaxy at a distance too hideous to contemplate, “what is he, man or mouse? Is he interested in nothing more than tea and the wider issues of life? Has he no spirit? Has he no passion? Does he not, to put it in a nutshell, fuck?”
Those who wish to know should read on. Others may wish to skip on to the last chapter which is a good bit and has Marvin in it. - c. 25 - View Quote Details on “This Arthur Dent,” comes the cry from the farthest reaches…
The history of every major galactic civilization has passed through three distinct and recognisable phases: those of survival, inquiry, and sophistication. Otherwise known as the ‘How’, ‘Why’, and ‘Where’ phases. For instance, the first phase is characterised by the question: “How can we eat?” The second by the question: “Why do we eat?” And the third by the question: “Where should we have lunch?” The history of warfare is similarly subdivided though here the phases are retribution, anticipation, and diplomacy. Thus, retribution: “I’m going to kill you because you killed my brother.” Anticipation: “I’m going to kill you because I killed your brother.” And diplomacy: “I’m going to kill my brother and then kill you on the pretext that your brother did it.” Meanwhile, the Earthman Arthur Dent, to whom all this can be of only academic interest, as his only brother was long ago nibbled to death by an okapi, is about to be plunged into a real intergalactic war. (Fit the Sixth.) - View Quote Details on The history of every major galactic civilization has passed through…
The other Shaltanac’s joopleberry shrub is always a more mauvy shade of pinky-russet. - The Shaltanac equivalent of “the other man’s grass is always greener”, Fit the Seventh - View Quote Details on The other Shaltanac’s joopleberry shrub is always a more mauvy…
Please do not be alarmed,” it said, “by anything you see or hear around you. You are bound to feel some initial ill effects as you have been rescued from certain death at an improbability level of two to the power two hundred and seventy-six thousand to one against – possibly much higher. We are now cruising at a level of two to the power of twenty-five thousand to one against and falling, and we will be restoring normality just as soon as we are sure of what is normal anyway. - View Quote Details on Please do not be alarmed,” it said, “by anything you…