…or did I just blow your mind?.
…or did I just blow your mind?.
Stephen Colbert
Other The Daily Show Quotes
- Think about it Jon, the terrorists are expecting us to hold our elections on Election Day. If we did that, we’d be playing right into their hands. - View Quote Details on Think about it Jon, the terrorists are expecting us to…
- The official CIA report, the Duelfer Report, has come out. The one that they’ve been working on for the past two years that will be the definitive answer on the weapons of mass destruction programs in Iraq, and it turns out, uh, not so much. Apparently, there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, and their capabilities had been degraded, and they pretty much stopped trying anything in ‘98. Both the president and the vice president have come out today in response to the findings and said that they clearly justify the invasion of Iraq. So, uh, some people look at a glass and see it as half full, and other people look at a glass and say that it’s a dragon. - View Quote Details on The official CIA report, the Duelfer Report, has come out…
- What kind of madman refuses to produce evidence that he doesn’t have what he said he didn’t? Saddam had to be taken out or who knows what else he might not have done? It’s imaginable. - View Quote Details on What kind of madman refuses to produce evidence that he…
- For those of you who are confused as to whether or not you’re a real American, it’s quite simple. Let me see if I can help you out. [pulls out a dry-erase board and writes the following equation] Just multiply your town’s population (P) by the average price of a local cup of coffee (picture of coffee cup), plus its number of art-house movie theaters (house), times the number of streets named after Martin Luther King, Jr. (MLK); then divide by the number of pieces of identification you need to buy Sudafed in your town (pill), times the number of people who wear trucker hats in your town minus the actual number of truckers (trucker hat), multiply that by 1 over the houses of worship—not counting synagogues, of course (cross)—minus the number of bars in your town. That’s supposed to be a bottle. If the answer equals less than 10, congratulations, odds are very good that you’re a real American. - View Quote Details on For those of you who are confused as to whether…
- On a personal note, I’m a comedian who makes fun of what I believe to be the absurdities of our government. Make my life difficult. Make this next four years really shitty for me, so that every morning all we can do is come in and go, Madonna is doing some Kaballah thing, you wanna do that? I’d like that. I’m tired. - View Quote Details on On a personal note, I’m a comedian who makes fun…
- So, to sum up, it’ll take two thirds of both houses and three quarters of the states to approve an amendment saying that two straight parents are better than one straight parent, which is still better than two gay parents, which is equal to a guy screwing a turtle. - View Quote Details on So, to sum up, it’ll take two thirds of both…
- Values like burning as much gas as you can so you can drive around an oval for hours. - View Quote Details on Values like burning as much gas as you can so…
- [footage of Mark McGwire crying during testimony]
Hey, idiot! There’s no crying in baseball testimony! - View Quote Details on [footage of Mark McGwire crying during testimony]
Hey, idiot! There’s no… - What about John Kerry went to Vietnam, but he went for the whores and the drugs? - View Quote Details on What about John Kerry went to Vietnam, but he went…
- If you’re keeping score at home, so far our war in Iraq has created a police state in that country and socialism in Spain. So, no democracies yet, but we’re really getting close. - View Quote Details on If you’re keeping score at home, so far our war…
Please Leave a Comment: