Six pints of bitter,” said Ford Prefect to the barman…

Six pints of bitter,” said Ford Prefect to the barman of the Horse and Groom. “And quickly please, the world’s about to end.

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (novel), Chapter 2

Other The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Quotes

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof was to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. - c. ? - View Quote Details on A common mistake that people make when trying to design…
“There!” said Ford, shooting out his arm. “There, behind that sofa!”
Arthur looked. Much to his surprise, there was a velvet paisley-covered Chesterfield sofa in the field in front of them. He boggled intelligently at it. Shrewd questions sprang into his mind.
“Why,” he said, “is there a sofa in that field?”
“I told you!” shouted Ford, leaping to his feet. “Eddies in the space-time continuum!”
“And this is his sofa, is it?” asked Arthur, struggling to his feet and, he hoped, though not very optimistically, to his senses. - View Quote Details on “There!” said Ford, shooting out his arm. “There, behind that…
What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a giant boulder you can’t move with no hope of rescue:
Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far.
Alternatively, if life hasn’t been good to you so far (which, given your current circumstances, seems more likely):
Consider how lucky you are that it won’t be troubling you much longer. (Fit the Eighth) - View Quote Details on What to do if you find yourself stuck in a…
Curiously enough, the dolphins had long known of the impending destruction of the planet Earth and had made many attempts to alert mankind to the danger; but most of their communications were misinterpreted as amusing attempts to punch footballs or whistle for tidbits, so they eventually gave up and left the Earth by their own means shortly before the Vogons arrived. - View Quote Details on Curiously enough, the dolphins had long known of the impending…
It just told me what I already knew, that I’m a great and amazing guy, didn’t I tell you baby, I’m Zaphod Beeblebrox. - View Quote Details on It just told me what I already knew, that I’m…
Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. - View Quote Details on Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes…
My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre,” Ford muttered to himself, “and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes. - View Quote Details on My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland…
He had found a Nutri-Matic machine which had provided him with a plastic cup filled with a liquid that was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea. - View Quote Details on He had found a Nutri-Matic machine which had provided him…
Life, as many people have spotted, is, of course, terribly unfair. For instance, the first time the Heart of Gold ever crossed the galaxy the massive improbability field it generated caused two-hundred-and-thirty-nine thousand lightly-fried eggs to materialise in a large, wobbly heap on the famine-struck land of Poghril in the Pansel system. The whole Poghril tribe had just died out from famine, except for one man who died of cholesterol-poisoning some weeks later. The Poghrils, always a pessimistic race, had a little riddle, the asking of which used to give them the only tiny twinges of pleasure they ever experienced. One Poghril would ask another Poghril, “Why is life like hanging upside down with your head in a bucket of hyena offal?” To which the second Poghril would reply “I don’t know, why is life like hanging upside down with your head in a bucket of hyena offal?” To which the first Poghril would reply, “I don’t know either - wretched isn’t it?” (Fit the Ninth) - View Quote Details on Life, as many people have spotted, is, of course, terribly…
“Listen, three eyes,” he said, “don’t you try to outweird me, I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal.” —Zaphod - View Quote Details on “Listen, three eyes,” he said, “don’t you try to outweird…