The only cure for a real hangover is death.

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“Coffee Versus Gin”, My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew (1936)

Other Robert Benchley Quotes

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. - View Quote Details on Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t…
Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author’s soul. If that upheaval is not present then it must come from the works of any other author which happens to be handy and easily adapted. - View Quote Details on Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author’s…
I am more the inspirational type of speller. I work on hunches rather than mere facts, and the result is sometimes open to criticism by purists. - View Quote Details on I am more the inspirational type of speller. I work…
So who’s in a hurry? - View Quote Details on So who’s in a hurry?
I do most of my work sitting down; that’s where I shine. - View Quote Details on I do most of my work sitting down; that’s where…
A baby is shown sitting on the floor. He appears to be about a year and a half old. Incidentally, he is a very plain baby. Strewn about him on the floor are the toys that he has been playing with. There are a ball, a rattle, a ring, a doll, a bell and a pair of roller-skates. Evidently, the candidate is supposed to be aghast at the roller-skates in the possession of such a small child.
The man who drew that picture had evidently never furnished playthings for a small child. I can imagine nothing that would delight a child of a year and a half more than a pair of roller-skates to chew and spin and hit himself in the face with. They could also be dropped on Daddy when Daddy was lying on the floor in an attempt to be sociable. Of all the toys arranged before the child, the roller-skates are the most logical…. That is my great trouble in taking tests and examinations of any kind. I always want to argue with the examiner, because the examiner is always so obviously wrong. - View Quote Details on A baby is shown sitting on the floor. He appears…
At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn’t money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one’s hands. - View Quote Details on At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything…
Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other. - View Quote Details on Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are…
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. - View Quote Details on Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I…
Nine-tenths of the value of a sense of humor in writing is not in the things it makes one write but in the things it keeps one from writing. It is especially valuable in this respect in serious writing, and no one without a sense of humor should ever write seriously. For without knowing what is funny, one is constantly in danger of being funny without knowing it. - View Quote Details on Nine-tenths of the value of a sense of humor in…