There is no such place as Budapest. Perhaps you are…

There is no such place as Budapest. Perhaps you are thinking of Bucharest, and there is no such place as Bucharest, either.

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“What — No Budapest”, My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew (1936)

Other Robert Benchley Quotes

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. That remark in itself wouldn’t make any sense if quoted as it stands. - View Quote Details on The surest way to make a monkey of a man…
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. - View Quote Details on Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t…
I am more the inspirational type of speller. I work on hunches rather than mere facts, and the result is sometimes open to criticism by purists. - View Quote Details on I am more the inspirational type of speller. I work…
The English language may hold a more disagreeable combination of words than “The doctor will see you now.” I am willing to concede something to the phrase “Have you anything to say before the current is turned on?” That may be worse for the moment, but it doesn’t last so long. For continued, unmitigating depression, I know nothing to equal “The doctor will see you now.” But I’m not narrow-minded about it. I’m willing to consider other possibilities. - View Quote Details on The English language may hold a more disagreeable combination of…
So who’s in a hurry? - View Quote Details on So who’s in a hurry?
Anyone will be glad to admit that he knows nothing about beagling, or the Chinese stock market, or ballistics, but there is not a man or woman alive who does not claim to know how to cure hiccoughs. - View Quote Details on Anyone will be glad to admit that he knows nothing…
A baby is shown sitting on the floor. He appears to be about a year and a half old. Incidentally, he is a very plain baby. Strewn about him on the floor are the toys that he has been playing with. There are a ball, a rattle, a ring, a doll, a bell and a pair of roller-skates. Evidently, the candidate is supposed to be aghast at the roller-skates in the possession of such a small child.
The man who drew that picture had evidently never furnished playthings for a small child. I can imagine nothing that would delight a child of a year and a half more than a pair of roller-skates to chew and spin and hit himself in the face with. They could also be dropped on Daddy when Daddy was lying on the floor in an attempt to be sociable. Of all the toys arranged before the child, the roller-skates are the most logical…. That is my great trouble in taking tests and examinations of any kind. I always want to argue with the examiner, because the examiner is always so obviously wrong. - View Quote Details on A baby is shown sitting on the floor. He appears…
Streets flooded. Please advise. (telegram to his editor upon arrival in Venice ) - View Quote Details on Streets flooded. Please advise. (telegram to his editor upon arrival…
I don’t want to be an alarmist, but I think that the Younger Generation is up to something…. I base my apprehension on nothing more definite than the fact that they are always coming in and going out of the house, without any apparent reason. - View Quote Details on I don’t want to be an alarmist, but I think…
The way to go to the circus, however, is with someone who has seen perhaps one theatrical performance before in his life and that in the High School hall…. The scales of sophistication are struck from your eyes and you see in the circus a gathering of men and women who are able to do things as a matter of course which you couldn’t do if your life depended on it. - View Quote Details on The way to go to the circus, however, is with…