What about John Kerry went to Vietnam, but he went…

What about John Kerry went to Vietnam, but he went for the whores and the drugs?

Samantha Bee

Other The Daily Show Quotes

So I can call the president a pussy, I just can’t say…don’t vote for him. - View Quote Details on So I can call the president a pussy, I just…
(on a virtual fishing game) The point is this and I can’t stress this enough, don’t use this on the roof of your building. Oh, and be sure the GPS fish aren’t near any reception deadspots…I was in the middle of a trout stream last weekend and I couldn’t virtual-fish at all! I spent all my time drinking…and fishing. - View Quote Details on (on a virtual fishing game) The point is this and…
There is good news tonight for Ahmed Chalabi. It turns out that all along he was providing accurate, truthful, helpful information. Unfortunately, it was to Iran. - View Quote Details on There is good news tonight for Ahmed Chalabi. It turns…
I want you to know, after this, the senator and I are going to Hooters to get completely hammered. - View Quote Details on I want you to know, after this, the senator and…
So all you need to do is buy an HDTV set…and there’s plenty of choices out there. For instance, one popular option right now is the plasma TV, so called because to afford one, you’re gonna have to sell your blood. (audience laughs) I’m totally kidding. - View Quote Details on So all you need to do is buy an HDTV…
So tonight when you’re putting your kids to bed, hold them in your arms and tell them to chew as little as possible…for America. - View Quote Details on So tonight when you’re putting your kids to bed, hold…
Lewis Black: Now, we all know the best medical advice doesn’t come from the church or some machine, but from the people you trust the most: celebrities! Actor and lovestruck Scientologist Tom Cruise appeared on the Today Show last Friday, where he shared his beliefs on mental health.
Tom Cruise (video): I’ve never agreed with psychiatry, ever. Before I was a scientologist, I never agreed with psychiatry. And I know that psychiatry is a pseudo science.
Black: Unlike scientology. I mean, that’s got science right in the name!…The climax came when Matt Lauer suggested that therapy and anti-depressants might work for some people.
Cruise (video): Do you know what Adderall is? Do you know Ritalin? Do you know now that Ritalin is a street drug? Do you understand that? You don’t know the history of psychiatry; I do. There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance.
Black: No? Then, what do you call what’s happening to you right now? - View Quote Details on Lewis Black: Now, we all know the best medical advice…
You’re not the Gay Governor, are you? (after Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich said Arnold Schwarzenegger training video was fascinating) - View Quote Details on You’re not the Gay Governor, are you? (after Illinois Gov…
Samantha Bee (voiceover): We’ve heard their words…but let’s look at the facts: George W. Bush once molested my grandma, while John Kerry held her down with bags of money provided by gay French Jews. On November 2, tell George W. Bush and John Kerry you support freedom…by writing a check to “Americans for 527 Ads”!
Bee’s “grandma”: Don’t let them do it again!
Bee: I’m Samantha Bee, and I approved this campaign finance loophole. - View Quote Details on Samantha Bee (voiceover): We’ve heard their words…but let’s look at…
President Bush announced his new economic plan. The centerpiece was a proposed repeal of the dividend tax on stocks, a boon that could be worth millions of dollars to average Americans. Well, average stock-owning Americans. Technically, Americans who own a significant amount of shares in dividend-dealing companies. Well, rich people, that’s what I’m trying to say. They’re going to do really well with this. - View Quote Details on President Bush announced his new economic plan. The centerpiece was…