Best in Show Quotes

That looks like a fast dog. - View Quote Details on That looks like a fast dog.
Doctor, question that’s always bothered me and a lot of people: Mayflower, combined with Philadelphia - a no-brainer, right? Cause this is where the Mayflower landed. Not so. It turns out Columbus actually set foot somewhere down in the West Indies. Little known fact. How does the name “Mayflower” get up to the Quaker City? - View Quote Details on Doctor, question that’s always bothered me and a lot of…
No, that’s a bear in a, in a bee costume. - View Quote Details on No, that’s a bear in a, in a bee costume.
And to think that in some countries these dogs are eaten. - View Quote Details on And to think that in some countries these dogs are…
[Yelling at the hotel maid] I know a man who has a van and he will take you back to wherever you came from! - View Quote Details on [Yelling at the hotel maid] I know a man who…
I’d hate to go on a date with Judge Edie Franklin and have her judge me, that’d be no fun. - View Quote Details on I’d hate to go on a date with Judge Edie…
Dr. Theodore W. Millbank III: And really, I think what we’re talking about is standards, basically; very, very specific, rigid, you could say, but in this world where would we be without them, I think. And notice where we are. - View Quote Details on Dr. Theodore W. Millbank III: And really, I think what…
Fay Berman: [yelling at her husband who is trying to coax their son down from the roof] Don’t look him in the eye! It challenges him! He doesn’t like that! - View Quote Details on Fay Berman: [yelling at her husband who is trying to...
I don't think I could ever get used to being poked and prodded. I told my proctologist one time, "Why don't you take me out to dinner and a movie sometime?" - View Quote Details on I don't think I could ever get used to being...
I went to one of those obedience places once... it was all going well until they spilled hot candle wax on my private parts. - View Quote Details on I went to one of those obedience places once... it...
[trying to coerce his son to get down from jumping off the roof] I’ll gouge your right eye out with my thumb, I shit you not, you little freak! Now, will you get down here? I’m gonna punch you in the eye till it turns to jelly! I’ll stab you with forks till you bleed, how bout that? - View Quote Details on [trying to coerce his son to get down from jumping...
So finally we bought out the chinese, not the entire nation, this one little chapter behind the wall here. - View Quote Details on So finally we bought out the chinese, not the entire...
...but you see, you think they drop like rocks, they don't. He hit a gargoyle on the way down and this guy gets his head caught in the gargoyle's mouth. The head [snaps fingers] pops off like a grape. The body continues to spin down like a whirl-a-gig. When they hit, everything pops out. It’s like a piñata. The intestines, like they’re spring-loaded, pop out. - View Quote Details on …but you see, you think they drop like rocks, they…
I didn’t ask for your opinion. I asked for a toy that you don’t have! - View Quote Details on I didn’t ask for your opinion. I asked for a…
Scott Donlan: She looks like a cocktail waitress on an oil rig. - View Quote Details on Scott Donlan: She looks like a cocktail waitress on an…
[after the hotel manager suggests going to the pet store to get a new toy for Beatrice] What are you a wizard? A genius? Why didn’t you tell me that before? - View Quote Details on [after the hotel manager suggests going to the pet store...
Christy Cummings: It worked for my family... you know, until my mom committed suicide in '81. - View Quote Details on Christy Cummings: It worked for my family... you know, until...
Now tell me, which one of these dogs would you want to have as your wide receiver on your football team? - View Quote Details on Now tell me, which one of these dogs would you...
Gerry Fleck: Don't water the plants, they're plastic! - View Quote Details on Gerry Fleck: Don't water the plants, they're plastic!
This? This is a fish. This is a fish! You know what? Just shut up. - View Quote Details on This? This is a fish. This is a fish! You...
Scott Donlan: [upon seeing Christy & Sherri Ann passionately reveal their love for each other on live television] Rhapsody has two mommies. - View Quote Details on Scott Donlan: [upon seeing Christy & Sherri Ann passionately reveal...
Hamilton Swan: [when Beatrice goes to lick his face] Don’t!… not the lips… - View Quote Details on Hamilton Swan: [when Beatrice goes to lick his face] Don’t!…
Hamilton Swan: Don’t look at the fat ass losers or freaks, look at me! - View Quote Details on Hamilton Swan: Don’t look at the fat ass losers or…
If you’re ever buying a shampoo sink go right to the Dutch. The French know nothing about shampooing. - View Quote Details on If you’re ever buying a shampoo sink go right to…
When I started here all there was was lampshade warehouses and leather bars, the serious leather bars where you wouldn’t get in unless you had a rubber ball stuffed in your mouth, the wine list was tattooed on the bartender’s face. That kind of place. I remember one guy had a bicycle reflector sewn onto one nipple. - View Quote Details on When I started here all there was was lampshade warehouses…
Excuse me if this off the subject a little bit, but just take a guess at how much I can bench press. Come on, what do you think? Take a guess. 315 pounds, maxing out at 400! - View Quote Details on Excuse me if this off the subject a little bit,…
Christy Cummings: We started this magazine, ‘American Bitch’. It’s a focus on the issues of the lesbian pure bred dog owner. - View Quote Details on Christy Cummings: We started this magazine, ‘American Bitch’. It’s a…

About Best in Show

Best in Show is a 2000 comedy, in the form of a mock documentary about a colorful array of characters who compete at a national dog show. Directed by Christopher Guest. Written by Christopher Guest and Eugene Levy Some pets deserve a little more respect than others. .