The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Quotes

No, no Marvin,” lilted Trillian, “that’s just fine, really…just part of life.” [...]
“Life,” said Marvin, “don’t talk to me about life. - View Quote Details on No, no Marvin,” lilted Trillian, “that’s just fine, really…just part…
Making it up?” said Marvin, swivelling his head in a parody of astonishment, “Why should I want to make anything up? Life’s bad enough as it is without wanting to invent any more of it. - View Quote Details on Making it up?” said Marvin, swivelling his head in a…
The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t. - View Quote Details on The ships hung in the sky in much the same…
Look,” said Zaphod, “I’m up to here with cool, OK? I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis. - View Quote Details on Look,” said Zaphod, “I’m up to here with cool, OK?…
Six pints of bitter,” said Ford Prefect to the barman of the Horse and Groom. “And quickly please, the world’s about to end. - View Quote Details on Six pints of bitter,” said Ford Prefect to the barman…
“We apologise for the inconvenience”, God’s Final Message to His Creation, written in letters of fire on the side of the Quentulus Quazgar Mountains, Sevorbeupstry, on planet Preliumtarn, Galactic Sector QQ7 Active J Gamma. - c. 40 (the message is spelled out letter by letter over several paragraphs) - View Quote Details on “We apologise for the inconvenience”, God’s Final Message to His…
Beeblebrox, over here!” he shouted.
“No,” called Zaphod, “Beeblebrox over here! Who are you?”
“A friend!” shouted back the man. He ran towards Zaphod.
“Oh yeah?” said Zaphod. “Anyone’s friend in particular, or just generally well disposed to people? - View Quote Details on "No," called Zaphod, "Beeblebrox over here!...">Beeblebrox, over here!” he shouted.
“No,” called Zaphod, “Beeblebrox over here!…
He had an odd feeling of being like a man in the act of adultery who is surprised when the woman’s husband wanders into the room, changes his trousers, passes a few idle remarks about the weather and leaves again. - View Quote Details on He had an odd feeling of being like a man…
[...] we’ll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere… and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys. - View Quote Details on [...] we’ll be saying a big hello to all intelligent…
“That is really amazing,” he said. “That really is truly amazing. That is so amazingly amazing I think I’d like to steal it.” –Zaphod - View Quote Details on “That is really amazing,” he said. “That really is truly…
Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. - View Quote Details on Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes…
Africa was very interesting,” said Ford, “I behaved very oddly there.” [...] “I took up being cruel to animals,” he said airily. “But only,” he added, “as a hobby.”
“Oh yes,” said Arthur, warily.
“Yes,” Ford assured him. “I won’t disturb you with the details because they would—”
“What?”
“Disturb you. But you may be interested to know that I am singlehandedly responsible for the evolved shape of the animal you came to know in later centuries as a giraffe. - View Quote Details on Africa was very interesting,” said Ford, “I behaved very oddly…
He pounded his steering wheel, kicked the floor, thumped his casette player until it suddenly started playing Barry Manilow, thumped it until it stopped again, and swore and swore and swore and swore and swore. -c. 9, Rob McKenna’s actions while testing his windshield wipers. - View Quote Details on He pounded his steering wheel, kicked the floor, thumped his…
What’s up?”
“I don’t know,” said Marvin, “I’ve never been there. - View Quote Details on "I don't know," said Marvin, "I've never been...">What’s up?”
“I don’t know,” said Marvin, “I’ve never been…
“This Arthur Dent,” comes the cry from the farthest reaches of the galaxy, and has even now been found inscribed on a deep space probe thought to originate from an alien galaxy at a distance too hideous to contemplate, “what is he, man or mouse? Is he interested in nothing more than tea and the wider issues of life? Has he no spirit? Has he no passion? Does he not, to put it in a nutshell, fuck?”
Those who wish to know should read on. Others may wish to skip on to the last chapter which is a good bit and has Marvin in it. - c. 25 - View Quote Details on “This Arthur Dent,” comes the cry from the farthest reaches…
That young girl,” Marvin added unexpectedly, “is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting. - View Quote Details on That young girl,” Marvin added unexpectedly, “is one of the…
Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.”
“Very deep,” said Arthur, “you should send that in to the Reader’s Digest. They’ve got a page for people like you. - View Quote Details on "Very deep,"...">Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.”
“Very deep,”…
“Ford,” he said, “you’re turning into a penguin. Stop it.” –Arthur - View Quote Details on “Ford,” he said, “you’re turning into a penguin. Stop it.”…
Sorry, did I say something wrong?” said Marvin, dragging himself on regardless. “Pardon me for breathing, which I never do anyway so I don’t know why I bother to say it, oh God I’m so depressed. Here’s another one of those self-satisfied doors. Life! Don’t talk to me about life. - View Quote Details on Sorry, did I say something wrong?” said Marvin, dragging himself…
[The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy] looked insanely complicated, and this was one of the reasons why the snug plastic cover it fitted into had the words DON’T PANIC printed on it in large friendly letters. - View Quote Details on [The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy] looked insanely complicated,…
Anything that happens, happens. - View Quote Details on Anything that happens, happens.
The universe is a lot more complicated than you might think even if you start from a position of thinking that its pretty damn complicated to begin with. - Mostly Harmless, The Guide, Mark II, c. ? - View Quote Details on The universe is a lot more complicated than you might…
What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a giant boulder you can’t move with no hope of rescue:
Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far.
Alternatively, if life hasn’t been good to you so far (which, given your current circumstances, seems more likely):
Consider how lucky you are that it won’t be troubling you much longer. (Fit the Eighth) - View Quote Details on What to do if you find yourself stuck in a…
Marvin: “And then of course I’ve got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side.”
Arthur: “Is that so?”
Marvin: “Oh yes. I mean I’ve asked for them to be replaced, but no one ever listens.”
Arthur: “I can imagine” - The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Fit The Second - View Quote Details on Marvin: “And then of course I’ve got this terrible pain…
This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn’t the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy. - View Quote Details on This planet has - or rather had - a problem,…
One of the major difficulties Trillian experienced in her relationship with Zaphod was learning to distinguish between him pretending to be stupid just to get people off their guard, pretending to be stupid because he couldn’t be bothered to think and wanted someone else to do it for him, pretending to be outrageously stupid to hide the fact that he actually didn’t understand what was going on, and really being genuinely stupid. He was renowned for being amazingly clever and quite clearly was so – but not all the time, which obviously worried him, hence the act. He preferred people to be puzzled rather than contemptuous. This above all appeared to Trillian to be genuinely stupid[...] - View Quote Details on One of the major difficulties Trillian experienced in her relationship…
“I seem to be having this tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle. As soon as I reach some kind of definite policy about what is my kind of music and my kind of restaurant and my kind of overdraft, people start blowing up my kind of planet and throwing me out of their kind of spaceships!” - The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Radio Shows, Fit the Fourth - View Quote Details on “I seem to be having this tremendous difficulty with my…
Zaphod: “Can it Trillian, I’m trying to die with dignity.”
Marvin: “I’m just trying to die.” - The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Fit The Sixth - View Quote Details on Zaphod: “Can it Trillian, I’m trying to die with dignity.”…
“I would like to say that it is a very great pleasure, honour and privilege for me to open this bridge, but I can’t because my lying circuits are all out of commission.” —Marvin - View Quote Details on “I would like to say that it is a very…
The other Shaltanac’s joopleberry shrub is always a more mauvy shade of pinky-russet. - The Shaltanac equivalent of “the other man’s grass is always greener”, Fit the Seventh - View Quote Details on The other Shaltanac’s joopleberry shrub is always a more mauvy…
Ford: “Life,” he said, “is like a grapefruit.”
Creature: “Er, how so?”
Ford: “Well, it’s sort of orangey-yellow and dimpled on the outside, wet and squidgy in the middle. It’s got pips inside, too. Oh, and some people have half a one for breakfast.” - View Quote Details on Creature: "Er,...">Ford: “Life,” he said, “is like a grapefruit.”
Creature: “Er,…
Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner. - (From the TV Series, 1st Episode) - View Quote Details on Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite…
“I don’t want to die now!” he yelled. “I’ve still got a headache! I don’t want to go to heaven with a headache, I’d be all cross and wouldn’t enjoy it!” –Arthur - View Quote Details on “I don’t want to die now!” he yelled. “I’ve still…
“Well for God’s sake I hope you managed to rectify that a bit.”
“Oh yes, well I managed to transmit a new entry off to the editor. He had to trim it a bit, but it’s still an improvement.”
“And what does it say now?” asked Arthur.
“Mostly harmless,” admitted Ford with a slightly embarrassed cough.
“Mostly harmless!” shouted Arthur. - View Quote Details on “Well for God’s sake I hope you managed to rectify…
The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79. - c. 2 - View Quote Details on The last time anybody made a list of the top…
Quite how Zaphod Beeblebrox arrived at the idea of holding a seance at this point is something he was never quite clear on.
Obviously the subject of death was in the air, but more as something to be avoided than harped upon.
Possibly the horror that Zaphod experienced at the prospect of being reunited with his deceased relatives led on to the thought that they might just feel the same way about him and, what’s more, be able to do something about helping to postpone this reunion. - View Quote Details on Quite how Zaphod Beeblebrox arrived at the idea of holding…
“Perhaps I’m old and tired,” he continued, “but I always think that the chances of finding out what really is going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say hang the sense of it and just keep yourself occupied.” —Slartibartfast - View Quote Details on “Perhaps I’m old and tired,” he continued, “but I always…
“Come on,” he droned, “I’ve been ordered to take you down to the bridge. Here I am, brain the size of a planet and they ask me to take you down to the bridge. Call that job satisfaction? ‘Cos I don’t.” –Marvin - View Quote Details on “Come on,” he droned, “I’ve been ordered to take you…
“Some factual information for you. Have you any idea how much damage that bulldozer would suffer if I just let it roll straight over you?”
“How much?” said Arthur.
“None at all,” said Mr Prosser. - View Quote Details on “Some factual information for you. Have you any idea how…
The oracle hit himself on the thumb and began speaking in tongues. - The oracle as he is hammering a nail - View Quote Details on The oracle hit himself on the thumb and began speaking…
That’s right,” shouted Vroomfondel, “we demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty! - View Quote Details on That’s right,” shouted Vroomfondel, “we demand rigidly defined areas of…
Life, as many people have spotted, is, of course, terribly unfair. For instance, the first time the Heart of Gold ever crossed the galaxy the massive improbability field it generated caused two-hundred-and-thirty-nine thousand lightly-fried eggs to materialise in a large, wobbly heap on the famine-struck land of Poghril in the Pansel system. The whole Poghril tribe had just died out from famine, except for one man who died of cholesterol-poisoning some weeks later. The Poghrils, always a pessimistic race, had a little riddle, the asking of which used to give them the only tiny twinges of pleasure they ever experienced. One Poghril would ask another Poghril, “Why is life like hanging upside down with your head in a bucket of hyena offal?” To which the second Poghril would reply “I don’t know, why is life like hanging upside down with your head in a bucket of hyena offal?” To which the first Poghril would reply, “I don’t know either - wretched isn’t it?” (Fit the Ninth) - View Quote Details on Life, as many people have spotted, is, of course, terribly…
He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off. - View Quote Details on He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if…
Deep Thought: “The answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything is…”
Philosophers:”Yes?…”
Deep Thought:”IS…”
Philosophers (slightly higher):”Yes?…”
Deep Thought: “IS…”
Philosophers (really high):”Yes?…”
Deep Thought: 42.
Philosopher 1:”We are gonna get lynched y’know that?” - View Quote Details on Deep Thought: “The answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything…
I think you ought to know I’m feeling very depressed. - View Quote Details on I think you ought to know I’m feeling very depressed.
“Ford, there is an infinite number of monkeys outside, who wants to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they have worked out.” - The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Radio Shows- Fit the Second - View Quote Details on “Ford, there is an infinite number of monkeys outside, who…
And then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change [...]. - View Quote Details on And then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one…
“If I had two heads like you, Zaphod, I could have hours of fun banging them against a wall.” - The Hitchhiker’s Guide the Galaxy Radio Series. - View Quote Details on “If I had two heads like you, Zaphod, I could…
There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. [...] Clearly, it is this second part, the missing, which presents the difficulties. - View Quote Details on There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack…
[The Guide] says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. It says that the effect of a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick. - View Quote Details on [The Guide] says that the best drink in existence is…
The history of every major galactic civilization has passed through three distinct and recognisable phases: those of survival, inquiry, and sophistication. Otherwise known as the ‘How’, ‘Why’, and ‘Where’ phases. For instance, the first phase is characterised by the question: “How can we eat?” The second by the question: “Why do we eat?” And the third by the question: “Where should we have lunch?” The history of warfare is similarly subdivided though here the phases are retribution, anticipation, and diplomacy. Thus, retribution: “I’m going to kill you because you killed my brother.” Anticipation: “I’m going to kill you because I killed your brother.” And diplomacy: “I’m going to kill my brother and then kill you on the pretext that your brother did it.” Meanwhile, the Earthman Arthur Dent, to whom all this can be of only academic interest, as his only brother was long ago nibbled to death by an okapi, is about to be plunged into a real intergalactic war. (Fit the Sixth.) - View Quote Details on The history of every major galactic civilization has passed through…
“Shee, you guys are so unhip it’s a wonder your bums don’t fall off.” —Zaphod - View Quote Details on “Shee, you guys are so unhip it’s a wonder your…
Please do not be alarmed,” it said, “by anything you see or hear around you. You are bound to feel some initial ill effects as you have been rescued from certain death at an improbability level of two to the power two hundred and seventy-six thousand to one against – possibly much higher. We are now cruising at a level of two to the power of twenty-five thousand to one against and falling, and we will be restoring normality just as soon as we are sure of what is normal anyway. - View Quote Details on Please do not be alarmed,” it said, “by anything you…
One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very obvious, as in It’s a nice day, or You’re very tall, or Oh dear you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you all right? At first Ford had formed a theory to account for this strange behavior. If human beings don’t keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months’ consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favor of a new one. If they don’t keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working. After a while he abandoned this one as well as being obstructively cynical. - View Quote Details on One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest…
[about a Magrathean sunset that Arthur finds magnificent] “I’ve seen it. It’s rubbish.” - View Quote Details on [about a Magrathean sunset that Arthur finds magnificent] “I’ve seen…
How do you feel?” he asked him.
“Like a military academy,” said Arthur, “bits of me keep on passing out. - View Quote Details on "Like a military...">How do you feel?” he asked him.
“Like a military…
The first ten million years were the worst,” said Marvin, “and the second ten million years, they were the worst too. The third ten million years I didn’t enjoy at all. After that I went into a bit of a decline. - View Quote Details on The first ten million years were the worst,” said Marvin,…
The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate. - View Quote Details on The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.
When you’re cruising down the road in the fast lane and you lazily sail past a few hard driving cars and are feeling pretty pleased with yourself and then accidentally change down from fourth to first instead of third thus making your engine leap out of your bonnet in a rather ugly mess, it tends to throw you off your stride in much the same way that this remark threw Ford Prefect off his. - View Quote Details on When you’re cruising down the road in the fast lane…
You know,” said Arthur, “it’s at times like this, when I’m trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I’d listened to what my mother told me when I was young.”
“Why, what did she tell you?”
“I don’t know, I didn’t listen. - View Quote Details on You know,” said Arthur, “it’s at times like this, when…
Many were increasingly of the opinion that they’d all made a big mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the oceans.
And then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, one girl sitting on her own in a small cafe in Rickmansworth suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and she finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right, it would work, and no one would have to get nailed to anything.
Sadly, however, before she could get to a phone to tell anyone about it, a terribly stupid catastrophe occurred, and the idea was lost forever. This is her story. - View Quote Details on Many were increasingly of the opinion that they’d all made…
Life,” said Marvin dolefully, “loathe it or ignore it, you can’t like it. - View Quote Details on Life,” said Marvin dolefully, “loathe it or ignore it, you…
They obstinately persisted in their absence. - View Quote Details on They obstinately persisted in their absence.
“There!” said Ford, shooting out his arm. “There, behind that sofa!”
Arthur looked. Much to his surprise, there was a velvet paisley-covered Chesterfield sofa in the field in front of them. He boggled intelligently at it. Shrewd questions sprang into his mind.
“Why,” he said, “is there a sofa in that field?”
“I told you!” shouted Ford, leaping to his feet. “Eddies in the space-time continuum!”
“And this is his sofa, is it?” asked Arthur, struggling to his feet and, he hoped, though not very optimistically, to his senses. - View Quote Details on “There!” said Ford, shooting out his arm. “There, behind that…
“Why do you need to think? Can’t we just sit and go budumbudumbudum with our lips for a bit?” - Mostly Harmless, c. 18 - View Quote Details on “Why do you need to think? Can’t we just sit…
Who said anything about panicking?” snapped Arthur. “This is still just the culture shock. You wait till I’ve settled down into the situation and found my bearings. Then I’ll start panicking! - View Quote Details on Who said anything about panicking?” snapped Arthur. “This is still…
It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes. - View Quote Details on It is a mistake to think you can solve any…
“[...] one’s never alone with a rubber duck.” —Captain of the Golgafrinchans - View Quote Details on “[...] one’s never alone with a rubber duck.” —Captain of…

About The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

For the 2005 film of the same name, see The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (film) The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams (11 March 1952 - 11 May 2001) Started as a comedy radio play on the BBC and expanded into a TV series, a series of novels, and a feature film. The story follows the adventures of Arthur Dent, the last human who hitched a ride off Earth moments before it was destroyed to make way for an interstellar bypass. .

Share it!