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King of the Hill Quotes

• There’s nothing sexier than a man with a 9 to 5 job. - View Quote Details on There’s nothing sexier than a man with a 9 to…
• These is the keys to my Cadillac car. You know the rules: under no circumstances is the wife allowed in my Cadillac car… unless she’s in a bag in the trunk. - View Quote Details on These is the keys to my Cadillac car. You know…
• (upon Hank finding Bobby holding a Cheerleader uniform) “There better be a naked Cheerleader under your bed.” - View Quote Details on (upon Hank finding Bobby holding a Cheerleader uniform) “There better…
• [seeing a snake slither toward her] It’s coming to kill me! It knows I’m a Christian! - View Quote Details on [seeing a snake slither toward her] It’s coming to kill…
• Soup is good food Hank, but keep your spoon in your own bowl! - View Quote Details on Soup is good food Hank, but keep your spoon in…
• [to crowd in Mega-Lo Mart parking lot before performance] Are you ready to soft rock ? - View Quote Details on [to crowd in Mega-Lo Mart parking lot before performance] Are…
• (Mocking his dad) “Git’ out my house! My boy ain’t much but he’s all I got!” - View Quote Details on (Mocking his dad) “Git’ out my house! My boy ain’t…
• I sell Propane and Propane Accessories. - View Quote Details on I sell Propane and Propane Accessories.
• I hate hate! - View Quote Details on I hate hate!
• BTU, British Thermal Unit, no bacon, no bacon, no bacon. - View Quote Details on BTU, British Thermal Unit, no bacon, no bacon, no bacon.
• Life’s like a dang ol’ Rubik’s cube, man. You move all the colors around and when you get one side you mess up the other side, man. - View Quote Details on Life’s like a dang ol’ Rubik’s cube, man. You move…
• (talking to Bobby) “I heard what you did to Chane Wasonasong-unforgivable! But then I hear what you did to your father-very funny. So I’m conflicted.” - View Quote Details on (talking to Bobby) “I heard what you did to Chane…
• Them dang ol’ New York boys, just a show about nothing. - View Quote Details on Them dang ol’ New York boys, just a show about…
• As far as an eighth of a tank of gas can get me. - View Quote Details on As far as an eighth of a tank of gas…
• Hey there, Ole top - View Quote Details on Hey there, Ole top
• I would never join a religion that restricted my diet. I don’t want to get into heaven that way. - View Quote Details on I would never join a religion that restricted my diet…
• But, my life sucks! - View Quote Details on But, my life sucks!
• And try to find one that doesn’t always ask ‘What are you thinking about?’ - View Quote Details on And try to find one that doesn’t always ask ‘What…
• Lenore! Lenore! - View Quote Details on Lenore! Lenore!
• “Dale, we live in Texas where it already gets to 110 degrees in the Summer. If it gets one degree hotter I’m gonna kick your ass! (After Dale gives his support to Global Warming) - View Quote Details on “Dale, we live in Texas where it already gets to…
• [After viewing Bill's huge septic tank) "It's a shame we have to put her in the ground." - View Quote Details on [After viewing Bill's huge septic tank) "It's a shame we...
• I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem - View Quote Details on I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot...
• SHI-SHI-SHAAA! - View Quote Details on SHI-SHI-SHAAA!
• Turbines! - View Quote Details on Turbines!
• I know, it's just that I've healed you three to five nights a week for many years. - View Quote Details on I know, it's just that I've healed you three to...
• I'm so depressed I can't even blink - View Quote Details on I'm so depressed I can't even blink
• What are you going to do, shoot me with my beer? - View Quote Details on What are you going to do, shoot me with my...
• Here you go, one Santy Anny's leg. - View Quote Details on Here you go, one Santy Anny's leg.
• Yeah man, I tell ya what, man. That dang ol' Internet, man. You just go on there and point and click. Talk about W-W-dot-W-com. An' lotsa nekkid chicks on there, man. Click Click Click Click Click. It's real easy, man. - View Quote Details on Yeah man, I tell ya what, man. That dang ol'...
• (Taking a mock quiz, being asked if propane is flammable or not) Well, let's see, you can't eat propane..." - View Quote Details on (Taking a mock quiz, being asked if propane is flammable...
• (When asked her name by a Spanish-speaking magician) "Maylamo Peggy Hill!" - View Quote Details on (When asked her name by a Spanish-speaking magician) "Maylamo Peggy...
• For God's sake, close the door! - View Quote Details on For God's sake, close the door!
• (Dressed up like Lenore and talking in a high-pitched voice) Why do you keep calling me "Bill"?" - View Quote Details on (Dressed up like Lenore and talking in a high-pitched voice)...
• (Trying on his old high school football helmet) "Hank, how'd my head get so fat?" - View Quote Details on (Trying on his old high school football helmet) "Hank, how'd...
• I blame the media-blamers. - View Quote Details on I blame the media-blamers.
• Hank's Wife!! Havin' a pancake supper over to the VFW. I'll need some pancakes...a couple hundred'll do. And all the syrup you gots! - View Quote Details on Hank's Wife!! Havin' a pancake supper over to the VFW...
• (to the tune of "Axel F") "Bev, Bev, Beverly Hills Cop, Bev, Bev, Beverly Hills Cop, Axel Foley gonna find those drugs!" - View Quote Details on (to the tune of "Axel F") "Bev, Bev, Beverly Hills...
• I don't take no anesthetic. Do you think Abe Lincoln asked for any girly gas when they blowed his head off? - View Quote Details on I don't take no anesthetic. Do you think Abe Lincoln...
• Function! Function, damn you! - View Quote Details on Function! Function, damn you!
• "Why does everything I love run away from me?" (Hank replies with "Because you have to hug everything like a jackass!") - View Quote Details on "Why does everything I love run away from me?" (Hank...
• Sobbing on his knees after he finds that his flag has been destroyed: "What kind of an animal would do something like this?... A bear?" - View Quote Details on Sobbing on his knees after he finds that his flag...
• That's what boyfriends and girlfriends do. They see each other naked. - View Quote Details on That's what boyfriends and girlfriends do. They see each other...
• "If my fist didn't hurt so bad I'd hit you again!....awww what the hell?" (hits Joseph's face) - View Quote Details on "If my fist didn't hurt so bad I'd hit you...
• [after losing $13 to Peggy at Boggle] Thank you for Boggle lesson, Peggy Hill. Maybe next weekend I teach you mahjong. Bring your checkbook. - View Quote Details on [after losing $13 to Peggy at Boggle] Thank you for…
• (When Hank releases him from the mental hospital) “I don’t know, I’m making real progress here, I want to stay a few more days.” Hank: “Get in the truck, Bill.” “My feelings are valid, Hank, I’m VALID!” - View Quote Details on (When Hank releases him from the mental hospital) “I don’t…
• Bobby, if you weren’t my son I’d hug you. - View Quote Details on Bobby, if you weren’t my son I’d hug you.
• But I don’t want to die. I just want to read the weather! - View Quote Details on But I don’t want to die. I just want to…
• Sorry I’m late. I had to stop by the wax museum again and give the finger to FDR. - View Quote Details on Sorry I’m late. I had to stop by the wax…
• (On the telephone) “How do I know it’s Jack Ruby’s hat? (pause) Well if I’m gonna spend money on it I gotta know if it’s Jack Ruby’s hat! (pause) OK, what colors does it come in?” - View Quote Details on (On the telephone) “How do I know it’s Jack Ruby’s…
• Boy Aunt Peggy, the words I don’t know can fill a dictionary. - View Quote Details on Boy Aunt Peggy, the words I don’t know can fill…
• (After being asked how her beauty exam went) Well, I passed lather, but I failed rinse…and then I failed repeat, because it includes rinse, which I don’t think is very fair! - View Quote Details on (After being asked how her beauty exam went) Well, I…
• (To Bobby) “You’re lucky. I’m leaving home a girl and coming back a man.” - View Quote Details on (To Bobby) “You’re lucky. I’m leaving home a girl and…
• Peggy! If I knew you’d be coming over, I would’ve put on some pants! - View Quote Details on Peggy! If I knew you’d be coming over, I would’ve…
• I don’t know what’s going on, but this is like the part of the movie where I’m wondering why don’t they just get out of the house? - View Quote Details on I don’t know what’s going on, but this is like…
• My dad has this joke: ‘how do you get to the Van Clyburn Orchestra? Practice.’ Well, it used to be a joke. Now he just screams it - View Quote Details on My dad has this joke: ‘how do you get to…
• Peggy, get a glass of water and my BC headache powder. - View Quote Details on Peggy, get a glass of water and my BC headache…
• Heck Dorland: I got bad news men, Chet Elderson died. Natural causes. (Bill farts while his butt is hanging out the top of the fire pole.) Oh, for cryin’ out loud! - View Quote Details on Heck Dorland: I got bad news men, Chet Elderson died…
• Got-dangit Hank - View Quote Details on Got-dangit Hank
• That boy ain’t right. - View Quote Details on That boy ain’t right.
• Don’t play lawyer-ball son. - View Quote Details on Don’t play lawyer-ball son.
• I could be a golf course drink girl. - View Quote Details on I could be a golf course drink girl.
• (when Hank’s Porta Potti collapses while he’s in it) “He’s a squatter!” - View Quote Details on (when Hank’s Porta Potti collapses while he’s in it) “He’s…
• How bout I tie the long hair on your head to the short hair on your ass and kick ya down the street! - View Quote Details on How bout I tie the long hair on your head…
• I made most of my life decisions at a Foghat concert… I stand by them. - View Quote Details on I made most of my life decisions at a Foghat…
• Mrs. Peggy Hill! - View Quote Details on Mrs. Peggy Hill!
• (Peggy told Cotton that she hopes he lives forever in the personal hell he created for himself.) “Do ya now?” (Cotton dies right after this.) - View Quote Details on (Peggy told Cotton that she hopes he lives forever in…
• Well, I think we all could use a bath. - View Quote Details on Well, I think we all could use a bath.
• You’ve got my check, what do you care?! - View Quote Details on You’ve got my check, what do you care?!
• (After smacking a waitress on the rump) “Hey missy! How ’bout some sammiches?!?” - View Quote Details on (After smacking a waitress on the rump) “Hey missy! How…
• Dale, you giblet head. - View Quote Details on Dale, you giblet head.
• Turnkey operation - View Quote Details on Turnkey operation
• (Doing an impression of Hank) Man, Dang ol’ Propane! - View Quote Details on (Doing an impression of Hank) Man, Dang ol’ Propane!
• (after the garbage truck steals his new garbage can) Everything I love is taken from me! - View Quote Details on (after the garbage truck steals his new garbage can) Everything…
• Hank, you still like finger painting? - View Quote Details on Hank, you still like finger painting?
• That Boomhauer is sexy - View Quote Details on That Boomhauer is sexy
• I ate a squirrel quesadilla but this where I draw the line” - View Quote Details on I ate a squirrel quesadilla but this where I draw…
• “I never thought i’d say this,but i don’t think i can finish my beer - View Quote Details on “I never thought i’d say this,but i don’t think i…
• Aww Shug, we’re outta sugar, Shug! - View Quote Details on Aww Shug, we’re outta sugar, Shug!
• Boomhauer, I can’t understand a word you just said… what with all that legalese mumbo-jumbo. - View Quote Details on Boomhauer, I can’t understand a word you just said… what…
• My Sloppy Joe is all sloppy and no Joe. - View Quote Details on My Sloppy Joe is all sloppy and no Joe.
• Women don’t like mind-games, Bobby. They like predictability. - View Quote Details on Women don’t like mind-games, Bobby. They like predictability.
• Gentlemen, the crap has literally been scared out of me. - View Quote Details on Gentlemen, the crap has literally been scared out of me.
• Jus’ sand in the wind, man. - View Quote Details on Jus’ sand in the wind, man.
• (Leanne punches him after publicly announcing his engagement) “This is the happiest day in my life.” - View Quote Details on (Leanne punches him after publicly announcing his engagement) “This is…
• Did you come to have breakfast with me because you thought I was lonely? - View Quote Details on Did you come to have breakfast with me because you…
• Bobby I’m going to tell you to do two things I hope you never have to do again, tape the Cowboys game and fetch me an apron. - View Quote Details on Bobby I’m going to tell you to do two things…
• Don’t touch me. I’m on the John. - View Quote Details on Don’t touch me. I’m on the John.
• Squirrel tactics! - View Quote Details on Squirrel tactics!
• As a licensed New Age healer I feel obligated to tell you…that’s just weird! - View Quote Details on As a licensed New Age healer I feel obligated to…
• Whatcha doin’, Hank’s wife? Some kind of women’s work? - View Quote Details on Whatcha doin’, Hank’s wife? Some kind of women’s work?
• I killed eight gophers last year and a purebred Tennessee walking horse that was looking at me funny. - View Quote Details on I killed eight gophers last year and a purebred Tennessee…
• Is my butt too small? - View Quote Details on Is my butt too small?
• Oh yeah! I always feel comfortable, wherever I go. My last name is actually Smith but I change it to Souphanousinphone when I move to Texas! - View Quote Details on Oh yeah! I always feel comfortable, wherever I go. My…
• Something got to give, and it not gonna be my slip-n-slide! - View Quote Details on Something got to give, and it not gonna be my…
• Got- Dangit Hank,I’m having an infarction! - View Quote Details on Got- Dangit Hank,I’m having an infarction!
• Baby did a bad, bad thing. - View Quote Details on Baby did a bad, bad thing.
• Dang ol’ Bill, man!! - View Quote Details on Dang ol’ Bill, man!!
• “Of course, why would you ask something like that? He’s your Dad! (Okay!) He’s your Dad, he’s your Dad, he’s your Dad! (Okay!) Okay!” - (Nancy’s reaction to Joseph asking her whether or not Dale is his real father.) - View Quote Details on “Of course, why would you ask something like that? He’s…
• (as a ghost) “Dang ol’ BOO, Man!” - View Quote Details on (as a ghost) “Dang ol’ BOO, Man!”

About King of the Hill

King of the Hill (1997 - present) is a an Emmy-winning American animated television series created for FOX. Unlike many animated sitcoms of its type that generally tend to feature unusual or impossible events, King of the Hill attempts to retain a realistic approach, featuring Americans with average IQs, and seeking humor in the otherwise conventional or sometimes even mundane.

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